Lefty, Do you REALLY want feedback on your song? Well, first of all, you missed all sorts of opportunities to rhyme. You may be able to get away without it in blank verse, but nobody SINGS blank verse. Second, drop the bible verse references. If the "baby killers" care about the bible verses, they have probably made their choices based on other understandings of scripture. And if they don't before they start reading, they won't after they're done. Third and most important--- this isn't a song, it's a polemic. And nobody sings polemics either. You need to move over to Gush …
- Joined October 9, 2004
- Last Visit August 8, 2005
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