Fear not the pump

Matthew Schwartzman-Stubbs

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A barrel of crude now runs about $130. Regular is going for nearly $4 a gallon. That means it will cost you in the neighborhood of $128 to fill up your Hummer H2's 32-gallon tank. I broke out my handy abacus to calculate what else you could get with your dwindling dollars.For about $128 dollars you could buy:-A lovely set of presentation grips for your Smith & Wesson revolver. -About eight boxes of 50 count 9 mm rounds. 400 rounds total to go with your new grips. -Nearly six cartons of Viceroy cigarettes or four cartons of Newports. Respectively, that's 1,200 or 800 delicious ways to pollute only yourself. -More than five cases of "Colt 45" 40 oz beers or 2,400 individual ounces of malty goodness if you prefer to think of it that way. You won't remember or care soon anyway. -Eight half logs of "Rooster" dip. 40 tins in all. -Six canvas handbags from Mossy Oak for the ladies in your life - with enough left over for another tin of the Rooster!Alternately, it will cost you about $48 to fill your Prius' 12-gallon tank. For about $48 you could buy:-16 t-shirts at Discount Village thrift store. -Two pairs of certified organic hemp boxers. Righteous. -Nine vente caramel Frappuccinos!! -3.5 lbs of Yerba Mate. -One Widespread Panic concert ticket - maybe. -Like, so many Phish bootlegs.As you can see, the purchasing power from driving an H2 outstrips the savings from a pansy-ass Prius by more than 2.5 times. So, why don't you start doing something good for your country and the economy, hippie? Buy an SUV and watch the savings pile up!

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