Bart Sibrel of Nashville, Tennessee, believes the Apollo lunar landing was a hoax. So, according to The Associated Press, Sibrel tracked down astronaut Buzz Aldrin at the Luxe Hotel in Beverly Hills and demanded that he swear on a Bible that he had been to the moon. Aldrin replied in accordance with flyboy custom and decked the doubter.

Dude, if you work at Kentucky Fried Chicken, and that KFC happens to be located in the expensive Marin County enclave of Mill Valley, you’re probably scrounging to make ends meet. Why not make the best of a bad situation and sell a little bud to the hot-tub crowd from the drive-thru window? That’s exactly what Carlos Leonel Ayala was doing, according to the Marin Independent Journal. Ayala took special orders from preferred customers in a code that sounded like unusual food orders. His cover was blown after he delivered a bag of weed to a square who really just wanted an extra biscuit. The customer found a surprise in his bag, returned it to the restaurant counter, and demanded his biscuit. Then he called the narcs.

If you’ve been wondering what it takes to score a perfect 10 on the Appall-o-Meter, it’s puppies. The Detroit Health Department has fired an animal control worker for feeding a litter of puppies to a python. According to the Detroit Free Press, the employee (who has not been named) may face felony charges as well.

Public officials and other guardians of decency have bemoaned the puppies’ cruel end, which probably involved strangulation or suffocation before the snake swallowed them. However, had they not been fed to the serpent, the puppies would have met their end in a 4-foot-by-4-foot gas chamber, just like 4,576 stray critters have already done this year. Or they could have been sold to researchers. One supposes that snakes got to eat, too. But puppies! It’s too much.

Big-time newspaper columnist seduces Catholic schoolgirl. Years later, as woman, schoolgirl calls columnist. Columnist freaks out and sics FBI agent friend on schoolgirl with intimations of harassment charges. Appall-o-Meter registers zero. Why? Because the columnist is Chicago Tribune schmaltz merchant Bob Greene, and he’s finally gone. Resigned, never again to mine child abuse cases for sanctimonious platitudes or otherwise chain-yank the rubes and boobs of the American interior. We couldn’t be happier.