Last-Minute Halloween Costume Ideas

This Jossip.com post about how to "Dress Up As Your Favorite Media Meanie" cracked me up. I laughed especially hard upon reading these costume ideas for dressing up like evil media queens: ANNA WINTOUR How to do it: Purse your lips and practice your cruel smile and inability to provide positive reinforcement. Have one of your friends pose as your assistant and spend the evening berating her while simultaneously pretending she doesn’t exist. Refuse to be seen with fat people. Speak softly, with a self-taught British intonation. Be prepared to repeat the phrase, “I already told you, I’m not wearing a mask.” Props: Brown bob, designer sunglasses, fur coat (Bonus for red paint splattered on by angry PETA protesters). BONNIE FULLER How to do it: Tote around that book of hers you’ve been using as a coaster; find yet-to-ruin magazines (like, say, The New Yorker) cross out all the editorial and just write “SEX.” Be prepared to convince people why Us Weekly or Star magazine is a relevant contribution to the cultural lexicon. Become extremely uncomfortable when asked to reiterate your stance on a public figure’s right to a private life. Props: The aforementioned coaster-slash-book, understated devil horns/pitchfork, urine-infused coffee. DAVID HAUSLAIB How to do it: For this costume, four-hour haircuts are essential, as are fake tans and high-pitched girlish giggles. Wear tight clothing, excessive amounts of cologne and fancy shoes. Slather your hair with gel to create an effortless look that says “I didn’t just get a four-hour haircut.” Speak exclusively in emoticons. Gesticulate wildly with your hands and stand in such a way that it accentuates your torso. Avoid normal social interactions with your hard-working staff in favor of one-word emails sent from your Blackberry wireless handheld. Props: Man-purse, Blackberry, a dog-eared copy of Field & Stream.