The Department of Justice’s $16 Muffins

Lindsay Beyerstein

Guests of the Department of Justice snacked on muffins that cost $16 apiece, according to a new report. You may be wondering how this is possible. Two words: Tin service. In case you haven’t heard, that’s bottle service for muffins – a piping hot new trend among Washington power brokers. 

Here’s how it works: An attractive server brings a steaming tray of muffins to your table, while your guests relax in an exclusive semi-private banquette.

Guests serve themselves and may use knives to customize their breakfast pastries with butter, jam, and non-dairy spread, all of which are included in the price of $192 per dozen.

Each muffin contains less than 16 cents worth of ingredients, but that’s all part of the mystique.

Know before you go: Most tin service establishments have a 2-tray minimum for a party of four. Peanut butter and cream cheese surcharges apply.

Lindsay Beyerstein is an award-winning investigative journalist and In These Times staff writer who writes the blog Duly Noted. Her stories have appeared in Newsweek, Salon, Slate, The Nation, Ms. Magazine, and other publications. Her photographs have been published in the Wall Street Journal and the New York Times’ City Room. She also blogs at The Hillman Blog (http://​www​.hill​man​foun​da​tion​.org/​h​i​l​l​m​a​nblog), a publication of the Sidney Hillman Foundation, a non-profit that honors journalism in the public interest.
The text is from the poem “QUADRENNIAL” by Golden, reprinted with permission. It was first published in the Poetry Project. Inside front cover photo by Golden.
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